Friendships and such.

Friendships are hard (just as hard as relationships in some cases). For myself, it’s hard to balance my needs/wants with pleasing/making my friends happy. I struggle with saying no and setting boundaries because I don’t want to lose friends. As you can imagine, this sometimes leads to not so great friendships that are more detrimental than fulfilling.

I had a situation recently where someone I’ve been friends with (not long, maybe about a year) starting saying things that were outright offensive. This person held a lot of prejudice towards certain groups of people (some of which I’m apart of – yes, they were aware of that). I’m not a confrontational person so I tried to ignore it or justify it by saying they were a nice person, however I came to a point recently where they said something so offensive that I could no longer justify my being close with them. I could be friendly and maintain a casual friendship, but being close in my mind seemed uncomfortable.

I had conflicting feelings because I didn’t want to upset them. After thinking about it further, I came to the realization that I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable and act upon those feelings in an appropriate manner, whether it be through distancing myself a bit or having a conversation with the person. I don’t have to be close with a person that makes me uncomfortable even if it hurts their feelings. It doesn’t make me a bad person.

This situation, albeit difficult, I think helped me understand more how important it is that I take my feeling in a friendship seriously. It takes a lot for me to not just go along with things because I don’t want to hurt other people and frankly I’m happy I stopped doing that in this situation. Have any of you ever dealt with a situation similar to this?

Steph xoxo

(P.S. I know I’ve been MIA for a bit, I’m sorry! My job has been insane lately but hopefully there’s a light at the end of the tunnel (i.e. new coworkers and more help!). I’ve been posting a lot on my instagram (stephtriesmakeup) so definitely go check it out! <3️)

BeautyBlogger Instagram issues (Help!)

I’m not a huge fan of Instagram, if there were a better photo sharing app I would use it. In late April I created an Instagram to share my make up (and follow other make up blogs) – I started to get some followers (got up to 100 by the end of it) and was pretty active on the account (liking and following). My account then was broken – none of my posts appeared in the tags and nothing I did really fixed it.

I then deleted that account and created a new one (stephtriesmakeup – this was about 2 1/2 weeks ago). A similar thing seems to be happening on this account – some (not all) of my photos do not appear in tags at all (no explanation there – I checked and none of my hashtags are broken) and I’ve noticed that once I hit a certain amount of likes (around 40 – this is a really small account) my photos vanish from tags. I’m posting a normal amount (about once a day) and not going on any sort of massive liking/following sprees. I also sometimes do not even use the app – this week I didn’t use the app for about 4 days (busy at work).

I’m mainly writing this post to see if anyone else has had this problem and what they did to fix it. It’s a little frustrating to have photos missing from tags, mainly because I’m a really small blog (and Instagram account) so I’m missing out on that exposure. Anyone who has been through a similar thing and has any suggestions (yes, I’ve rage shaked and reported it countless times – think they’ve banned me from the rage shake 😉 ) I’d be happy to hear them in the comments 🙂

Steph xoxo

 

 

Review: Nyx Professional Makeup Ultimate Shadow Palette ‑ Brights

Hey all! Sorry for my absence, with finals and new challenges at my job I didn’t have as much time to write a new blog post. But I’m back!

Over the past few weeks I picked up a few eye shadow palettes and one of them was the Nyx Ultimate Shadow Palette – Brights. I have so many neutral tone palettes I felt that I needed at least one bright palette in my arsenal. The palette comes with 16 shadows of all different shades of pinks, purples, greens, blues, and yellows. Theres a few shimmer shades in there as well as matte shades. The shimmer shades aren’t *too* shimmery – just a light shimmer, which I like. It runs for $17.99 at Ulta (which seems reasonable given how many different eyeshadows you are getting).

The palette swatches beautifully. The eyeshadows are so rich and pigmented – I liked Nyx before but this made me like the brand even more.  The packaging is a little…difficult. I had some issue opening it (and still do). I do wish that the colors had names (or even numbers) to identify them – it’s difficult to remember how I created a look because there are no names or numbers to identify the different shades.

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I did two different looks with this eyeshadow palette. The first looks I used two of the pink shades and the shimmery red shade to create. I felt that the colors (for my ability level) blended out really nicely and weren’t difficult to use. There was very limited fall out as well.

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The second look I went for a rainbow look. I used the yellow shade, two of the orange shades, a pink shade, and the purple shade to create this look. Again, the colors blended really well (for my ability level) and there was very limited fall out. This is my favorite out of the two looks (I absolutely love how this came out).

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Overall, for the price point and the quality I think this palette is a steal. I can see why it has such a high rating on Ulta.com – if you’re looking for a good bright eyeshadow palette at an affordable price I would recommend this one whole heartedly.

Steph xoxo

 

Suicide Prevention

Wednesday was a bit of a rough day for me. Wednesday 3 years ago was the day when the body of a close friend of mine was found – he died by suicide and it hit everything in his life like a ton of bricks. No one expected it – he was a happy, amazing guy who would do anything for anyone who asked. He helped me through some of the toughest times in my life and frankly I can thank him for saving my life. Many were shocked that this amazing guy was struggling with some serious suicidal thoughts.

Something that still bothers me to this day (despite my knowledge and having worked in the suicide prevention field) is how blindsided I was. I felt that maybe if I picked up on some hidden clue (that to this day I still can’t find) in our conversations maybe I could have helped him. I think it’s a thought that goes through many people’s head after losing a friend to suicide and can be a horrible one to have.

A hard truth I learned from working at the suicide hotline is sometimes there really aren’t many (or any) signs. I’ve also learned this from experience – sometimes the most gut wrenching suicidal ideation just pops into my without any rhyme or reason. Playing the “what if” game, blaming yourself for what you didn’t do can become a vicious cycle that doesn’t accomplish anything. This blog offers some helpful insight into this and also lists someone common signs that are present when there are signs. They can range from talking about suicide, obtaining means, and giving away prized possessions.

The most important thing I think I’ve learned since this is how important it is to spread suicide prevention resources to everyone and anyone. There is so much the suicide prevention hotlines can do to save lives that it’s vital that everyone (those in and outside the mental health community) knows the phone numbers for their local suicide hotline. Someone may not feel comfortable talking to close family/friends about their feelings or letting them know they’re thinking about suicide (the stigma around suicidal thoughts and ideation is real) but may feel comfortable talking to a stranger about it. I still carry a card in my wallet that has the National Lifeline’s phone number on it, just in case I or someone else (stranger, family, anyone) I know needs it.

I spent a lot of the day thinking back to the good memories I have of him – our ice cream trips, being lab partners in Biology, and our talks before class about everything and anything. He was an amazing person and I miss him dearly – I wish he would have talked to someone (his family, other friends, me, anyone) about what he as going through. But I understand that the stigma surrounding it causes so many people to stay silent. I hope someday that stigma around suicidal ideation is erased and people can talk openly about it without fear of being judged.

 

 

Review: Peter Thomas Roth Water Drench Hyaluronic Cloud Cream

I’ve been on the hunt for a good moisturizer for a while. My skin type is a little strange, I have very oily skin but it can also be very dry at the same time. For example, if I put any sort of make up on my nose it immediately starts to peel (I’ve tried primers, water based make up, and my nose still peels). My nose (and cheek area) have always been rather dry but also seem to be the oiliest part of the my face too. The skin in those two areas also has a rougher feel (versus the rest of my face) so there is definitely some hydration missing there. My face is also a bit sensitive and prone to break outs when it doesn’t like a product, so I’m usually cautious about what I put on my face. I had been using the Estee Lauder DayWear Advanced Cream for a while however did not notice that it helped the dryness (I tried both the Oil Free version of it and the non Oil Free Version). So, I decided to try something new.

I was on Sephora.com and noticed that Peter Thomas Roth had a new moisturizer out. The name is a mouthful (Water Drench Hyaluronic Cloud Cream) however it claimed to give your skin a burst of hydration for up to 72 hours. It claims to help with hydration, uneven skin, dullness, and aging. I took a quick peek at Google Scholar to see if I could find any research specifically on Hyaluronic Acid’s effect on dry skin and couldn’t find much (though there is a bit of research on it’s effectiveness on skin rejuvenation in general). However, I’ve had success with Peter Thomas Roth products in the past (his Therapeutic Acne Sulfur Masque saves my life) so I decided to give it a try. I went to Sephora and bought it. The cost is $52 for 1.6 oz of product – it is a little pricey, however I usually spend a little more on skin care because of how sensitive my skin can get (there was one time I put something, can’t even remember what, on my face and I had an acne goatee for 3 months. Literally 50+ tiny bumps around my mouth.)

First impressions were that the texture of the cream was very light, it almost felt more like a serum than a cream. I took out what I thought would be a normal amount (about the size of a nickel) for my face and it ended up being way too much. Definitely with this product a little goes a long way. For the first 5 minutes it didn’t feel as if the product had sunk into my skin but after a few more minutes I didn’t feel the product on my face any longer.  After about an hour I felt my face (to see if it felt any more hydrated) and I was really surprised to find that the skin around my nose and my cheeks felt…softer! Not as smooth as the rest of my face but close! I’m going to try this product for 7 days to see how it stands up and if it causes any break outs.

I tried the product from last Sunday (4.23) to this Sunday (4/30). Throughout the week I did not see any new break outs (I had a few pimples already on my skin but the moisturizer did not aggravate them or cause new ones). I noticed that the area around my nose and cheek felt softer – I put on foundation a few times this week  and did not notice nearly as much peeling around my nose/cheek area as I usually get when applying foundation. So far (from this week) I really love this product. It’s giving my skin the moisture it needs and improving the texture of my skin as well. I’m going to give this moisturizer a full month to a final verdict (I figure 3 weeks is a good deal) however so far I really do love this moisturizer.

Have any of you guys tried this moisturizer? Tell me what you think in the comments!

Ingredients (from the Sephora website):

-Hyaluronic Acid
-Elderberry Extract
-Ceramides
-Silk Proteins

Water, Glycerin, Dipropylene Glycol, Dimethicone, Cyclopentasiloxane, Cyclohexasiloxane, Yeast Extract, Sodium Hyaluronate, Ceramide EOP, Ceramide EOS, Ceramide AP, Ceramide NP, Ceramide NS, Sambucus Nigra Fruit Extract, Hydrolyzed Silk, Sodium PCA, Tocopherol, Ascorbyl Palmitate, Caprooyl Phytosphingosine, Caprooyl Sphingosine, Saccharide Isomerate, Saccharomyces/Magnesium Ferment, Saccharomyces/Iron Ferment, Saccharomyces/Copper Ferment, Saccharomyces/Silicon Ferment, Saccharomyces/Zinc Ferment, Olea Europaea (Olive) Leaf Extract, Methyl Gluceth-20, Ethylhexylglycerin, Lauryl PEG-9 Polydimethylsiloxyethyl Dimethicone, Cholesterol, Sodium Chloride, Sodium Citrate, Citric Acid, Behenic Acid, Propylene Glycol, Ceteareth-25, Butylene Glycol, Dimethicone/PEG-10/15 Crosspolymer, Cetyl Alcohol, Disodium EDTA, Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate, Phenoxyethanol, Mica.

Steph xoxo

How to survive a depressive episode

This is a topic I’ve been thinking about lately, more so because I think I’m in the midst of a depressive episode. For the past week or so my mood has felt…off? My mood has been pretty stable the last few months (I saw my psychiatrist last week and had good things to report to him) so this change was stark. I’ve felt more anxious, irritable, depressed, and looking at things in a more negative light. I haven’t wanted to do things I normally enjoy either. It all culminated into a very scary couple of hours last night; it mostly consisted of ruminating over what has been bothering me and some interspersed suicidal ideation. Thankfully, those thoughts diminished with some time (and rest). My depressive episodes can normally last a few weeks but there are some things that help me (in addition to seeing a mental health professional on a regular basis) when dealing with depressive episodes.

  1. Fighting the urge to isolate. I 100% know that when depressive episodes happen, the urge to isolate is strong. I usually ignore my phone, ignore my fiance, and just want to stay away from everyone. However, even if you don’t feel ready to talk about what’s going on just being in the presence of someone else (someone you love, feel comfortable around, and can trust) can be soothing. Even if it’s through electronic means (i.e. calling someone or FaceTiming them), it can really be helpful to be in contact with someone.
  2. Going out of your way to be “kind” to yourself. For myself, it’s helpful when I write myself little inspirational messages on notecards to take around with me. If I’m having trouble getting through a day I’ll pull one out and read it to myself for motivation. If it’s a really rough day (particularly at work) I might go into the bathroom or my car and give myself a little pep talk. Something like “You’ll get through this day, you’ve made it through so many other days you can make it through this one. You’re strong and have the tools to succeed”.
  3. Treating yourself in someway. Whether it be getting your favorite dinner or snack, watching a favorite TV show, or getting some pampering done (i.e. nails or haircut) it’s something small that might help for a moment to lighten the weight of the depression.
  4. When you feel ready, talking to someone about what you’re going through. Whether it be your mental health professional, a trusted loved one, or a person at a talk/crisis line, talking (when you feel ready) can be beneficial. It can help with processing feelings and sometimes (if it is wanted) the person on the other side may have some helpful insight. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking with someone, journaling (in an online blog or a private journal) can also be a really beneficial way to get feelings out.
  5. Reaching out and communicating honestly with mental health professionals. This (I feel) is a really important one. If you feel you’re at the point where your mood is getting worse and previous coping strategies are not helping as much as they use to, it may be helpful to call your mental health professional (psychiatrist or therapist) and schedule an emergency appointment to discuss everything.  They might suggest an adjustment in medication, increasing in appointment frequency, or even a higher level of care (think intensive outpatient treatment program). If you are ever struggling and need immediate help, in the U.S. the National Lifeline is open 24/7 (1-800-273-8255). This website also includes a list of suicide prevention hotlines across the globe. Your local ER can also be of help as well.

Overall for myself, what helps me get through the episodes are the small moments of happiness interspersed throughout. It reminds me “Hey, even thought I’ve overall felt depressed the past few weeks I can still experience happiness and this depressive episode (like the other ones for the past 10 years) will pass”. I know the next few weeks will be tough, but I feel I’ve learned some good strategies in the past 10 years and have good professional support that will help me make it through a depressive episode.

Steph xoxo

Acceptance 

Hey all! Sorry for my absence, I’ve been overwhelmed (to say the least) with work and class. My class is almost over and I’m in the home stretch! 

Something that’s been on my mind lately (for good reason) is body acceptance. It’s something that I think a lot of people struggle with at one point or another in their lives; there are a lot of outlets in our life (media, family, friends, lovers) who influence what we perceive as beautiful. It can be hard to wrangle with those perceptions if they do not completely embody how we look. 

I think it’s something that I’ve struggled with since I was a little girl. The idea of being thin was big in my household and while I was never overweight I was never thin. I was (and still am) an average size. For a while I felt like as if I wasn’t good enough because of this and was on a perpetual diet from age 10 to about age 22. I did all things that would fall under the disordered eating categories in an attempt to become thin. 

There was one incident I can recall that has always stuck with me. I was seeing a therapist as a teenager and she encouraged me to take a look at myself in the mirror unclothed and just study myself, noticing what makes me unique and what I like. I remember feeling so uncomfortable with my body that I couldn’t do it. 

I’m not sure what exactly changed at age 22 but I slowly but surely started to love myself and how I looked more and more. I didn’t mind my curves or the fact I wasn’t very thin. I stopped counting calories and started just listening to my body – stopped eating when I was full and let myself have a treat every now and then. 

Learning to accept my weight and body was a big step for me. Since then I’ve made smaller (but still significant) steps towards more acceptance. Something I’ve always been self conscious about is my baby hair. I have a ton of (very noticeable) baby hair – I’ve hated it since I was a little girl and always wanted to shave it off. I started plucking it off last year (a task that took up an hour a week) and recently thought to myself “You know what? My baby hair makes me unique, not everyone has it and I should embrace it if I can”. So as uncomfortable as it makes me I’ve let the baby hair grow back and will leave it be. 

I think something that helped me was changing what I followed on social media (as silly as it sounds). I made a conscious effort to follow pages and blogs that were body accepting and overall more empowering. I think it helped to see other people who were trying to love themselves more and more. Seeing those types of messages more and more on social media helped me continue the journey to self acceptance. 

Another helpful thing for myself is learning to do things (dressing up, wearing make up, doing my hair) for myself rather than others. I’ve stopped feeling as if I have to do these things so others will like me and started doing them because I want to.  

It’ll be a long journey to full acceptance but it’s one I’m excited I’ve started. What things help you with accepting yourselves? 

xoxo Steph